Life is always so weird. we does things for our ownself and yet at time we still recieved derogatory comments from others. sometime i do wonder…must we sastify the people around us before we could actually do something for ourselves??
"she" once told me that "time will heal the wound"… i trusted this phase of hers.!!. but it took me 1yrs plus and realise that she’s wrong….she failed to take into account that …"a heal wound left with a scar behind"….
Again was chatting with my frenz last nite….
we were like chatting over diff thoughts of sexes handling love….
she was saying " no matter how mature or how childish or how ugly and how pretty is a gals in sg, they had the same ways of handling love". every gals like to be pretty and being pleased at all time, they like guys to know them or woo them even though they are attached… they like ppl commenting good things rather dan bad things on them!!
a guy can does alot of things for someone worth he to love….and if the gals had little crush on him, everythings he does mean something.. but on the other hand, if there isnt any crush, even a guy give her a thousand of dollars or giving her a bouquet of roses, she will just find him irritating.
to understand a gal thought is so much difficult. she can at this moment said
"she love you .. wanna a future with u" but on the other hand she flirt with other guys behind yr back. !! ….
than i was like asking.. " what if one day someone u used to find him irritating, committed suicide over you "….
she replied : she hold for 5min…(and i added with truth of yr thoughts)..definately is a regret i didnt look back how he treats me in the past…. is a regret/guilt i guess will stay with me…dan she’s saying.. people who committed suicide are "psycho" and neither she will want to live with someone suffering from mental illness….
i replied : people who committed suicide are not psycho… yes they might be suffering from mental illness or depression. but one thing clear is that… they bravely died for something they cherish the most… !! they give their everything and in return of nothing .how much suffering there is in it. !! and in that moment of uncontrolled feeling, died is their only option…..
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she was like asking…" which category of love im living now"
1) still enjoy the life of being single….
2) dying of jealousy
3) on the move
lastly.. 4) waiting for someone not worth to be??
and asking… will i choose to commit suicide..??
i replied : im still happy being single but there are time i tend to fresh back what it mean to me in the past… im back on the track of love but somehow i had lost the feeling of "knowing how to love someone" ….
if one day i find life being meaningless, maybe death is my only option. !!
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3/3/06
had my first tattoo done on my waist.. and im craving for more and more…. ohhh shit.!! i expect it to be painful as the needle is poping onto the skin. but nevertheless, the pain is bearable and i simplity love my current tattoo so much…..
tot of going for artificial tanned… but after watching final destination 3 yest, seeing how that two gal die while doing artificial tanning , i got a change in my mindset. haha…. -they died in such a horrible way-.. oh shitty..!!!
going to start training for my ippt … pumping, jogging and swimming is going to be my daily rountine with the effect from 13 march -still got one more week of slagging- 
!!
i wan to learn blading… i wan a change in my lifestyle..!! sick of clubbing and hangging out late everyweekend.. i wan do something meaningful like bladding /cycling at ecp in the sunday morning…
…..
"every text i key in this little blog is actually mean to hav created for someone to view…. and also at the same time indirectly insulting people whom interfer my life. "… this was how my frenz concluded after reading it …
was chatting with my frenz last nite….
she was like telling me im getting more and more self-defeated and had lost the creative energy that inspirate everything i does in my current life. she tipped me there are so many wonderful things to be savoured in this life but yet why must i allowed those extraneous origin mess up my life.
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In a world of cold and old… i dont look upon my ambition animore….
life is short and vulnerable ..and death is unpredictable…. -no matter what might happen in the future, no one can change the way i like my life to be now-
i might be leading a down turn life now… but i believe the material world is only a part of existence.. and i will definately access the spiritual side of my nature to counter it….
………..
Life is all about struggle and being independent living in this society. "BROTHERHOOD NV DIES" is just a phase of cheats…human do have close contact with particular human and tats being describle as buddy along the journey of our lifes but neverthless when come to some critical situtation (like $$ matter or even to an extend of sexes).. they are bounds to be the first to turn their back on you..-
i do wondering where does guilt stand in the inner of every diff human body when mistake is done. Some feel the impact while some feel nothing and just nothing. . i got my capability to judge whats right and whats wrong for the people .but however to understand myself is something above my capability.. ..
my taiwenese frenz told me that 暧昧 is actually mean " a guy and a girl love each other but due to some circumstances, they are bound to be together".!!if is true than Love must be sort of mysterio thing…it cause happinese and in the same time it cause saddness …
what the meaning of living in this world when theres hatred spells around you.. and whats the point of living when everyday passby with a moody moaned.
why a need to live being a liar cheating the people around you and …and why a need to obtain something in a deceitful means
whats the point of living being a good guy when the bad guy stand out the most.. and whats the point of telling how marvellous ur when everything is just an imagination…
Thought life is going on the right path this time -> a brand new start for the year 2006.-<.. but..
than i realise.. is the begining of disaster ……
.
feeling frustrated for the whole day..but just cant get to the bottom what is all about.. getting irritated.!!..
on this particular day of 2005. in the middle of the night, while waiting for that special person…i was being chased by a CAT …..arghhh just because hmm i think i’m sitting on the place his/her is going to rest. .. arghh!!
is easy to understand and judge someone by it appearance but to futher understand someone is so much difficult..
i failed to understand "she" in the past as i always thought that we had the same mindset of life..i thought i understand her well enuff that whatever i think is rite, she got to stay put with me..i went thru the cycle of Deprived, depressed,devasted & disappointed over "she" for few month.. intention- trying hard to change her into an idea person, thinking that she might like it, but… nevertheless i forgotten of how she’s feeling in the bottom of her heart… she ever told me something worthwhile afterwhich—- "it take two hand to make a clap"–this sentance is sensible.. i got to admit at times, this sentance just pop out for no reason in my current life . defintately gonna remember it for my life.
right at my doorstep, i got this frenz suffering internally. his gf is demanding and is unreasonable but to no reason he give in . being an outsider, i dont understand whats gg on between them but sometime i rather he be back his oldself than being a timid asshole like now keep giving in to someone who i feel is not even worth it… maybe that the power of love.
human are born with different personality which i truely doubt anyone can have the ability to change that particular person personality for life ..
Indeed life is all about satisfaction.. i tend to want something better in performance after sticking with that 7 mth old machine i drove everytime .
Came to know a few rich brat recently there are forturate that their parent bought them a 100k machine .. SPORTS CAR .. sort of envy ofcourse !! but looking back at myself, at least to the current, i still got something to drive whereas compare to some unfortunate ppl , they even had the problem feeding full their stomach everyday.
realised im actually sort of.. consider impetous guy . i got impatient attitude and it’s turned into impulsive at times.. i cant stand those ppl who decide my destination.. i cant stand those ppl that guess and assumed what im thinking.. i cant stand ppl that go against my thoughts… and lastly… i does things in an unplanned schedule and end up regreting at the later part of the day!!
Woooooosssss…
26days more day to go….
