My Blog

At times , how i wish our life is being destine by god.. although is abit dull but at least to some extend we wouldnt encounter any obstacles in our life…

Everyone are born with diffrent prespective of life.. but yet something similiar is that.." we are fighting against stress"… yeahz mental stress!!! "is never an easy stuff to actually buck up our courage to stand up after repeatedly failure" - everyone knew that well… but how many ppl actually appreciate their effort and their heart at the end of the day..???

was chatting with one of my frenz cheng few days back . he was telling me that he know how to read fortunate stuff (ofcourse i dont believe on this sort of stuff)but somehow still i asked him read for me my career and r.ship since im down on luck.!!.and so he hold on my palm and start analysing …

He tell me..beng ar(he call me that cause i got long hair.. arghh) "wah yr luck look goods on both career and r.ship" .. and i reply "nAH DiSaGrEe!! im really v down on luck…look at my gloomy face..it tells u issnt it…??

than he look on my palm again… and mentioning to me….

nv confine my own capability…there is a long road ahead of me and if i resolved not to dwell about my past, i can achieve something great in my life( in term of career and r.ship)"…and so i refresh back.. am i dwelling on something?? conclusion " YA.. there is still something i had been holding and battling all this while.."

At times i really feel that im more comfortable chatting with friends rather than good friends over personal issue..(WEIRD)!!  it seem that  there is a barrier between us even though there are my good friend.. i just feel weird telling them over blah blah blah…!

out of 7 X 6days, i only went clubbing once.. (WEIRD)!! had been staying and slagging at home all this while on weekend… even on weekdays i sleep early too..~!! seem like im getting into healthy mindset path… !!

—still figuring "how do someone actually threw away their old toys over their new toys that found in toy’r'rus?? didnt they forget… those old toys bring back memories..and there are the one’s whom acc them during theirs younger days??

had been asking myself… if there is more to life or than day to day surviving??

met up my squadmate sim and had katong lasak at ah peng stall earlier on.

than i realise we had know each other for 4yrs.. time flies!!!

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on this particular date 4yrs back, i was enlisted to police academy to serve my ns. the first time i  start notices sim was when we are queuing to bald our head. he was such a panic freak seem scare to be bald and keep allowing other ppl to shave their hair first !! never expect at the end of that 1/10 nite ict, he became my buddy……oh goshz

staying in pa was a memorial period i wouldnt ever forget. i make few wonderful friendz…

now ..we are living with diffrent prespective of life and to gather for a chit chat session is so much diff unlike last time, whereas after 5.30hrs we will start gather together to chilled… kinda miss those dayssss

Sometime.. do wish time could go in an anti clockwise direction.. ~! even though livng on little expenses from parent and goverment during those days, but im living in a care-free life whereas there is no stress and no regret.!! life is just so simple  .. every week passes in a routine way…weekdays is all about training and weekend is all about me and she… oh shittyz….

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is been a hard long month…had some misunderstanding going on but thats not really of my concern as i had my  prerogative to stayput being myself than acting to be myself….gioshz

now is all about bucking up…and main prioity to studies. yeahz…!!

"pain of mind is worst than pain of body".

Life is always so weird. we does things for our ownself and yet at time we still recieved derogatory comments from others. sometime i do wonder…must we sastify the people around us before we could actually do something for ourselves??

"she" once told me that "time will heal the wound"… i trusted this phase of hers.!!. but it took me 1yrs plus and realise that she’s wrong….she failed to take into account that …"a heal wound left with a scar behind"….

Again was chatting with my frenz last nite….

we were like chatting over diff thoughts of sexes handling love….

she was saying " no matter how mature or how childish or how ugly and how pretty is a gals in sg,  they had the same ways of handling love". every gals like to be pretty and being pleased at all time, they like guys to know them or woo them even though they are attached… they like ppl commenting good things rather dan bad things on them!!

a guy can does alot of things for someone worth he to love….and if the gals had little crush on him, everythings he does mean something.. but on the other hand, if there isnt any crush, even a guy give her a thousand of dollars or giving her a bouquet of roses, she will just find him irritating.

to understand a gal thought is so much difficult. she can at this moment said
"she love you .. wanna a future with u" but on the other hand she flirt with other guys behind yr back. !! ….

than i was like asking.. " what if one day someone u used to find him irritating, committed suicide over you "….

she replied : she hold for 5min…(and i added  with truth of yr thoughts)..definately is a regret i didnt look back how he treats me in the past…. is a regret/guilt i guess will stay with me…dan she’s saying.. people who committed suicide are "psycho" and neither she will want to live with someone suffering from mental illness….

i replied : people who committed suicide are not psycho… yes they might be suffering from mental illness or depression. but one thing clear is that… they bravely died for something they cherish the most…  !! they give their everything and in return of nothing .how much suffering there is in it. !! and in that moment of  uncontrolled feeling, died is their only option…..

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she was like asking…" which category of love im living now"

1) still enjoy the life of being single….

2) dying of jealousy

3) on the move

lastly.. 4) waiting for someone not worth to be??

and asking… will i choose to commit suicide..??

i replied : im still happy being single but there are time i tend to fresh back what it mean to me in the past… im back on the track of love but somehow i had lost the feeling of "knowing how to love someone" ….

if one day i find life being meaningless, maybe death is my only option. !!

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3/3/06

had my first tattoo done on my waist.. and im craving for more and more…. ohhh shit.!! i expect it to be painful as the needle is poping onto the skin. but nevertheless, the pain is bearable and i simplity love my current tattoo so much…..

tot of going for artificial tanned… but after watching final destination 3 yest, seeing how that two gal die while doing artificial tanning , i got a change in my mindset.  haha…. -they died in such a horrible way-.. oh shitty..!!!

going to start training for my ippt … pumping, jogging and  swimming is going to be my daily rountine with the effect from 13 march -still got one more week of slagging- !!

i wan to learn blading… i wan a change in my lifestyle..!! sick of clubbing and hangging out late everyweekend.. i wan do something meaningful like bladding /cycling at ecp in the sunday morning… 

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"every text i key in this little blog is actually mean to hav created for someone to view…. and also at the same time indirectly insulting people whom interfer my life. "… this was how my frenz concluded after reading it …

was chatting with my frenz last nite….

she was like telling me im getting more and more self-defeated  and  had lost the creative energy that inspirate everything i does in my current life. she tipped me there are so many wonderful things to be savoured in this life but yet why must i allowed those extraneous origin mess up my life.

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In a world of cold and old… i dont look upon my ambition animore….

life is short and vulnerable ..and  death is unpredictable…. -no matter what might happen in the future, no one can change the way i like my life to be now-

i might be leading a down turn life now… but i believe the material world is only a part of existence.. and i will definately  access the spiritual side of my nature to counter it….

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